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# Friday, February 02, 2007
Friday, February 02, 2007 2:06:31 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) ( The Epicurean | The Jester )

Okay, listen up restaurant owners, because I'm only going to say this one more time:

Stop using nasty ketchup!

There is only One True Ketchuptm and that is Heinz. Hunt's is allowed if you can't find Heinz, but there are no other acceptable ketchup brands. At least not in the USA.

Now, those of you who care to look will find messages from me in alt.ketchup from the late 80's and early 90's extolling the virtues of mustard over ketchup. But I wrote those messages when I was still a teenager, and didn't understand that while off-brand mustard is palatable, generic ketchup is pure evil. Please forgive my youthful ignorance.

I just picked up a burger and fries from a local mom-and-pop burger joint. They gave me "House Recipe(r) Tomato Ketchup(u)". And it is fucking gross. ARGH!

Listen, people: I know that buying the right ketchup is a little bit more costly. But saving a few cents per burger is not worth alienating customers by feeding them toxic waste. STOP DOING IT AT ONCE.

Oh, and let me end by saying that there is a special circle of Hell reserved for you restauranteurs who refill Heinz bottles with generic ketchup-esque puke. Really, you people should just eat kittens and get it over with.

Update 2/10/07:

Today, my wife and I sat down to lunch and I put a brand new bottle of Heinz on the table. Cecilia is from Argentina and has only been in the USA for 3 years. She is not used to a lot of American brands. When she saw the Heinz, she said to me "I'm so glad you got that. I've decided that that brand is my favorite." I tell you, folks, I haven't been so proud since she and I watched Arnold Schwarzenegger speaking at the last Republican Convention and she told me that, if she was allowed to vote, she would vote Republican.

# Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007 12:46:36 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) ( The Geek | The Jester )

The folks over at Drivl have a very funny blog about what code doesn't do. As opposed to what movies tell us it does

Check it out.

Oh, and while we're dispelling code and coder stereotypes, I'll toss in my two cents: real programmers abhor animation of any kind. Yes, games are animated. And graphics designers and movie makers need to deal with animation. But we do not build our tools to contain needless, stupid animation. Mostly, we just want to get our work done and animation just slows us down. So when you see a movie guy click a button, or press a key, and a remarkably complex piece of animation plays to indicate that work is being done...yeah, that's bullshit.

# Monday, January 29, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007 12:17:47 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) ( The Chef )

I made duck last night.

It's not something I do often because it's kind of a pain in the butt to do it right.

I decided to do it the Alton Brown way. 100% by the book. No variations.

To sum up the procedure:

  1. Remove wings and back from duck.
  2. Cut duck into quarters.
  3. Soak quarters in brine for 2.5 hours or so.
  4. Steam quarters for 45 minutes.
  5. Crisp skin in a "NASA Hot" cast-iron skillet in the oven.

A major plus for this technique (steam then sizzle) is that a huge amount of precious duck fat collected on top of the steaming water. I managed to collect about five ounces of fat by boiling off the rest of the water. I'm going to use it to fry up some potatoes later this week.

The meat on my duck was delicious. The skin that touched the hot skillet was delightfully crispy. But the rest of the skin was just plain soggy and nasty. I'm going to have to figure out how to fix that.

On the other hand, my friend Rich ate his part of the duck like he hadn't eaten in weeks. So maybe I'm being overly critical.

# Thursday, January 25, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007 9:37:29 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) ( )

Her ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to her newsletter.

# Sunday, January 21, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007 10:50:21 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) ( The Epicurean )

If I have one beef with the fine folks at CAO Cigars it's that they have too many different cigars to choose from.

Right now, my humidor contains the following CAO offerings: Italia, Brazilia, CAO Cameroon, CAO Maduro, Criollo, and, of course, the CAO MX2.

There are three more CAO cigars that I don't have: the CAO Gold, the eXtreme, and the CX2.

With a line as extensive as CAO has, it's sometimes hard to keep track of what you like and what you don't. Lots of folks rave about the Italia. I don't particularly care for it...or wait, was it the Brazilia I don't like? They both end with "lia" and they're both from CAO and they have very similar bands. It's very confusing.

But there's no confusion about the MX2. I have 20 of them. I just bought a box yesterday.

The MX2 (which stands for "Maduro times 2") delivers lots of full-bodied goodness. It has Connecticut Broadleaf maduro wrapper, a Brazilian maduro binder, and lots of full-bodied fillers (from Nicaragua, Honduras, the Dominican Republic, and Peru).

This is my current favorite "second course" cigar. Some folks call it medium-bodied, but I think it's on the full side of medium-full. I really can't handle fuller-bodied cigars unless I have one after I've already had something milder. The MX2 is great for my second course because it can deliver good flavor to an already beleaguered palate.

The MX2 has lots of rich smoke. I really love that. When I take a deep draw, I want my mouth to be filled with smoke (delivering flavor all over my palate). MX2 delivers that. It is also supremely well constructed: tonight when I lit one, I did a bad job, but the cigar still burned evenly right until it was burning my fingers. The draw is exactly as I like it: not too easy, not too firm.

But even if it was poorly constructed, you'd have to love the MX2 just on flavor. It gives and gives and gives. It starts out very spicy and rough and smooths out about a third of the way in. It's hard not to smoke it too fast because it's just so wonderful.

Oh, one more thing: the MX2 looks beautiful in your humidor. The wrappers are super shiny and oily, and the band looks like it belongs on the set of Star Trek. I don't place a lot of stock in a cigar's prettiness, but the MX2 has that in addition to all its other great qualities.

So, bottom line:

Strength: Medium-Full
Taste: Excellent
Draw: Excellent
Price: $80 for a box of 20, $4.50 if bought individually.

Go out and try one. Have one of your regular sticks as an appetizer and have the MX2 for dessert. You won't be disappointed.

# Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007 2:53:07 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) ( The Geek )

Mike from Barely Legal has a new blog called In It But Not Of It.

Today, he writes a post that only a man could write. It's about the death of a dear piece of consumer electronics.

I say it's a Post Only a Man Could Write because, really, women don't anthropomorphize things the way us men do. If a woman's favorite hairdryer breaks, she might be sad about it, but you'll never hear her say something like "Oh, Doris! <sob!> You were so good to me!"

But when my 1980 Honda Accord died, I said "Goodbye, Hubert!" and gave a little sniff when the tow truck hauled him away.

# Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007 3:24:48 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) ( The Philosopher | The Political Junkie )

Understanding that a hypocrite is not necessarily wrong is a very difficult lesson.

Let's face it: almost every one of us is a hypocrite at some point in our lives. If being a hypocrite automatically invalidated one's logic, the world would be a very different place.

The problem is this: we hate hypocrites. We think they are filthy quislings who should be spat upon. We smile smugly when we catch them in the act. We feel free to ignore what they say because, after all, they're hypocrites.

We especially hate hypocrites when they are...us. Come on, admit it: unless you're Jesus Christ back from a 2000-year vacation, you've probably been one at some point in your life. Ask yourself: did that moment of hypocrisy invalidate the beliefs you betrayed? No, of course not. It simply meant that you are human and prone to error, just like the rest of us.

Let me give a personal example:

I believe that health insurance is largely responsible for the skyrocketing health care costs we have in the USA. There is one thing I believe we can and should do immediately to help stop the rising tide: eliminate coverage for the normal costs associated with pregnancy.

My wife and I can, if we so choose, get an 80% discount on the cost of having our little girl. Our health insurance pays for 80% of all the doctor's visits, all the ultrasounds, the pre-natal vitamins, the heavy-duty iron supplements my wife has to take for anemia, the two days my wife will be in the hospital recovering from the birth, the cost of the hospital birth, and, if necessary, a C-section.

Put another way: my wife and I are voluntarily choosing to have a child. Our choice has the potential to cost our insurer about $4000. Pregnancy is one of the few ways in which decisions we make can directly and immediately affect our insurer's bottom line.

Clearly, in a fair world, our insurer shouldn't have to pay for that. In fact, of all the things I listed above, the only things our insurer should pay for, in my opinion, are the iron supplements and, if necessary, the C-section. Why? Because those expenses do not fall under the normal, expected costs of preganancy. I expect that my wife will get sonograms, so I should expect to have to pay for those myself. On the other hand, I do not expect my wife to become anemic because of the pregnancy so the insurer should pay that cost.

It all boils down to the definition of insurance. When you purchase insurance you are insuring against an unexpected loss. You get fire insurance, for example, to replace your house if it burns down. You get auto insurance to pay for your medical expenses and to replace your car if you get in an accident. The loss of a house by fire and an auto accident are unexpected events that we insure against when we purchase insurance.

We don't think about health insurance that way. We don't use it that way. We treat it as pre-paid medical. Covering the normal and expected costs of pregnancy is just the most obvious example of it.

So how does that rant tie in with hypocrisy?

Easy: I'm a damn hypocrite.

I firmly believe that I, as someone who has chosen to bring a child into this world, should be paying for the normal costs of my wife's pregnancy out of my own pocket. Instead of adhering to my own philosophy, I made the conscious decision to accept the 80% discount from my insurer. I'm a hypocrite because I made the best decision for me personally, while ignoring my beliefs about the greater good.

So shoot me: most of you would do the same.

But my hypocrisy doesn't mean I'm wrong about this issue. It just means I'm a filthy, contemptible hypocrite who should be spat upon.

Despite my taking advantage of my insurer in this way, I still believe in everything I wrote above. I believe that I should have put aside the $5000 over the past few years and paid for all this stuff myself. But I didn't. And I probably won't do it for our second child, either.

But if any legislator wants to step up to the plate and introduce legislation freeing insurers from the burden I bring, I will campaign for that person.

# Friday, January 12, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007 1:20:03 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) ( Everything Else )

R.I.P, Robert Anton Wilson.

You taught me to see the forest for the fnords. You helped me help the Widow's Son. You helped me realize that more laws only serve to make more criminals. You opened my eyes to the great truth that the greatest thing about masturbation is its availability.

You will be sorely missed.